Ask one better follow-up question

A friend says the interview went well. “Great!” you reply, already looking for your keys. The answer is friendly, but the conversation has nowhere to go.

Try one more question: “Which part felt best?” Then give the answer a little room. A small follow-up can show that you are interested in this person's experience, rather than waiting for your turn.

Follow something they actually said

You do not need a collection of profound questions. Listen for a detail and ask about it: “You said the new team surprised you. How?” or “What made you decide to try that?”

The point is to understand, not to produce an impressive question. Sometimes the natural next response is a comment, a laugh or a little silence. Pay attention to the person rather than completing a technique.

Where the research fits

In 2017, Karen Huang and colleagues reported studies linking question-asking, especially follow-up questions, with being better liked by conversation partners. The research concerns particular conversation settings; it does not establish a formula for every relationship. Read the paper record.

An earlier line of research asks how we respond when someone shares good news. Shelly Gable and colleagues' 2004 studies associated enthusiastic, constructive responses with relationship well-being. Read their findings.

Both offer a reason to notice your response. Neither means you should perform excitement, ask endless questions or expect another person to open up on demand.

Make space for the answer

If you can, put the phone down and let the person finish. If you are about to leave, be honest: “I want to hear this properly. Can we talk after dinner?” Following through is more considerate than asking a personal question while half-listening.

When someone describes a problem, check what would help: “Would you like ideas, or would you rather talk it through?” They may want practical advice. They may simply want you to understand what happened.

Keep curiosity comfortable

A short answer may be all someone wants to give. It does not prove you failed to create safety. They might be tired, private or uninterested in that topic. Accept the boundary without trying to unlock a deeper response.

Share something of yourself too. A conversation needs room for both people. Avoid making every reply another question, particularly when the other person has already answered one thoughtfully.

Understanding also leaves room for disagreement. You can ask how someone reached a view without endorsing it. “Have I understood you correctly?” can be useful before explaining where you differ.

In your next unhurried conversation, notice one detail you would like to understand. Ask about that detail, listen to the answer, and let it influence what you say next.

Adapted from our earlier article and revised for clarity, sourcing and practical use. How we make our content.